Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
