But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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