You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
