Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
