i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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