Only a mothe r could love this liver
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
