Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
