I have demons in me.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i barfeds in our rink
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
