just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
