Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
