she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
