Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
this hospital has no fireball
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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