he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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