What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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