JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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