like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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