the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
