I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
