Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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