My cat gives me a boner
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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