I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
