eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
