Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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