mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wear drunk well.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
