suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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