you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
