if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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