I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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