I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
