i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
