Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
