I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
