turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
