Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
