we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
