I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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