i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
