He had one of those small greek statue penises
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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