Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
