This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
