I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
