Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
