i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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