I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
