4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
