Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
