omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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