Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
