Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
