i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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