remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
