I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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