shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
