I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
