Sponge bath it is.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
