Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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