I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
