I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
